So, here we are coming into the last days of 2010. I am grateful that my mind has been free enough to think about what I would like for 2011. I have learned from past experience that when I set a theme for the year, I am more apt to attract those things which are in alignment with my theme AND I become more aware on a daily basis if I am choosing activities and behaviours that are in line with my theme. Personally, it has been a very effective way for me to life the life I want. And conversely, when I am not in alignment with my theme, I know it. Sometimes it leads me to feel despairing. But even that can eventually propel me to re-align my life so I am on track. This has sometimes necessitated major lifestyle changes for me but it has always been worth it.
Also, the power of setting intentions seems to release 'forces in the universe' that coalesce with what you are asking for at the time. The best way to do this is to create a short 5 to 7-word sentence that clearly articulates your desire in a grammatically positive statement. For example, "I experience emotional equanimity." instead of "I don't want to feel like I am on an emotional roller coaster." In the latter sentence the focus is still on what you don't want. Like I say to my clients: "What you think is what you get." So state what you want clearly, briefly and in the positive. Another example: "I enjoy financial comfort." This doesn't say HOW it will happen. That part is not up to you. Give the universe the free reign to bring it in delightfully surprising ways to you. Once you see this happening in your life, you will be able to trust this unseen force a little more. Experience is always the best evidence.
Now, what is the difference between a theme and an intention. The best way of describing it is that a theme is like an umbrella or overall intention. It is the mother of intentions. And it is something so simple that it is easy to call to mind in the busyness of doing life over the year of the theme. So, one year, I set a theme, "I am visible." This theme alone created a transformative year that showed me how I tend to do everything alone and don't share or ask for help. No wonder I felt alone and my goals felt onerous to achieve. Once I connected with this theme over and over again in the moment, I would do one small thing differently. I would call a friend and ask them what they thought of a writing piece. I would hire someone with excellent marketing and communication skills to develop copy for a course I was developing. I would call a friend to go for a walk when I was feeling in need of company instead of sitting alone and moping about my situation. All these little things started adding up and it had a big effect on my life. It started changing. From dinner alone to cooking dinner with a friend. From struggling with a writing piece to giving it life by sharing it with a few trusted others. From looking for a good book to read to asking a friend what they were reading lately that was good. All these things add up. It is not the big things that make a big difference. It is the little things that each of us can do that accumulate and make a big difference. We can all do this.
Part of creating a flourishing life is to increase positive emotions relative to negative emotions. We have both. It is part of being human and fluctuates daily. However, our task in creating a flourishing life is in having more positive emotions than negative on an ongoing basis. There are many ways of doing this, which will be discussed in this newsletter and blog over its lifetime. One of the ways is to set a theme.
So, what is your theme going to be for 2011?
Examples:
Make yourself visible.
This year I fly.
It doesn't have to be hard and I don't have to do it alone.
I enjoy financial comfort.
My life is integrated.
The flourishing life is mine to live.
I have a choice.
I am allowed to have boundaries
I am allowed to feel safe.
I say yes when I want to and no when I want to.
Content this year
You could also focus on the nine areas of wealth and set a theme on the one that is most important to you.
Knowledge, talent, experience, character, community, connection, relationships, finances, energy and health.
You could focus on a feeling state that you would like to have as the over-riding state in which you operate this year - contentment, peace, freedom, joy.
Be creative and choose what speaks to you. I wish you a happy year from The Flourishing Life Coach
Until next time, Johanna
Monday, December 27, 2010
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Tis the Season to Flourish?
Christmas is a dangerous time of year for many people. Not exactly a flourishing or positive opening statement, isn't it? But let's see what this means. The danger is in the area of depressed mood or depression. The reasons? I think the main reason has to do around the unspoken cultural expectation that people are going to spend time with family and loved ones and everyone is going to be happy to see each other. Hmmm. How true is that? And what happens when it isn't true and you feel yourself comparing it or worse, yourself, to this cultural expectation? Herein lies the downward spiral.
Some people don't have family. Some people have family they don't want to be with or it is not psychologically healthy to be with them. Some people don't like to be in large social gatherings and find themselves there through a staff party. Some people have family elsewhere that they would love to be with but they are too far away. Some people don't have family or friends. Some people live an isolated lifestyle. Some people aren't Christian but it seems to be a dominant holiday with all it cultural expectations the world over. Some people had a tragedy this time of year that rears its challenging memories and all associated feelings. All of these are good reasons to feel at odds with the Christmas spirit. For me; my seven-year old son was hit by a car and killed on December 13, 1989. Christmas time has never been the same. I am single and I don't want to be. I enjoy having a partner. Also, I ended a relationship six months ago and am missing the good parts. I have lived a kind of introverted lifestyle, mostly because of past role models and the results have been more isolation that what is good for me.
So, what do you do? Every year it's the same thing and you don't find a way to resolve it. Well, let's begin to change it starting now.
The first thing is to find some way of accepting that you don't have the ideal family or circumstance that is culturally painted in the Christmas season. Easier said than done, right? Okay. How about trying on the phrase, "I am now here." vs. "I am nowhere." See how different the two phrases feel, same letters, different meaning, different feeling - in other words, you are starting from where you are, and this is okay.
Also, perhaps you have a true desire to experience more connection during the holiday season. This may be the message of your emotions. If this rings true, what could you do in this season, perhaps even in the next 24 hours to make a slightly deeper connection with one other person? Try this on as an experiment. What have you got to lose? It could be as simple as a smile or more eye contact or being more present to another person whether it be in the grocery store or at a Christmas party. Play with this. Bring your creativity into this. See what happens.
Now, the research in positive psychology defines a flourishing life as one where the positive emotions outweigh the negative in a ratio of three to one. We have also discovered that we have the ability to increase our positive emotions and there are specific actions we can take to do this. I believe one of the steps during the Christmas season is to be gentle with ourselves and to make a commitment to refrain from the social comparison of some seasonal standard of how things should be. This alone can save us from a downward spiral and prevent us from experiencing undue negative emotions.
The other consideration we could use is to look for the things in our lives on a daily basis for which we are grateful. The research shows that those people who practice gratitude have a more balanced perspective on their lives and can be happier because of it.
These are good first steps during this season and will contibute to living a flourishing life. Transformation starts in this way, with small steps and with practicing a few new things in the moments of our days.
It sounds small but it's power can be large. Meanwhile, nourish yourself with whatever makes you feel a little bit better, whether it be a better thought to think or an activity you like. Nourish yourself and cherish yourself for you have much to offer. Find one small thing that brings you joy.
Until next time, Johanna
Some people don't have family. Some people have family they don't want to be with or it is not psychologically healthy to be with them. Some people don't like to be in large social gatherings and find themselves there through a staff party. Some people have family elsewhere that they would love to be with but they are too far away. Some people don't have family or friends. Some people live an isolated lifestyle. Some people aren't Christian but it seems to be a dominant holiday with all it cultural expectations the world over. Some people had a tragedy this time of year that rears its challenging memories and all associated feelings. All of these are good reasons to feel at odds with the Christmas spirit. For me; my seven-year old son was hit by a car and killed on December 13, 1989. Christmas time has never been the same. I am single and I don't want to be. I enjoy having a partner. Also, I ended a relationship six months ago and am missing the good parts. I have lived a kind of introverted lifestyle, mostly because of past role models and the results have been more isolation that what is good for me.
So, what do you do? Every year it's the same thing and you don't find a way to resolve it. Well, let's begin to change it starting now.
The first thing is to find some way of accepting that you don't have the ideal family or circumstance that is culturally painted in the Christmas season. Easier said than done, right? Okay. How about trying on the phrase, "I am now here." vs. "I am nowhere." See how different the two phrases feel, same letters, different meaning, different feeling - in other words, you are starting from where you are, and this is okay.
Also, perhaps you have a true desire to experience more connection during the holiday season. This may be the message of your emotions. If this rings true, what could you do in this season, perhaps even in the next 24 hours to make a slightly deeper connection with one other person? Try this on as an experiment. What have you got to lose? It could be as simple as a smile or more eye contact or being more present to another person whether it be in the grocery store or at a Christmas party. Play with this. Bring your creativity into this. See what happens.
Now, the research in positive psychology defines a flourishing life as one where the positive emotions outweigh the negative in a ratio of three to one. We have also discovered that we have the ability to increase our positive emotions and there are specific actions we can take to do this. I believe one of the steps during the Christmas season is to be gentle with ourselves and to make a commitment to refrain from the social comparison of some seasonal standard of how things should be. This alone can save us from a downward spiral and prevent us from experiencing undue negative emotions.
The other consideration we could use is to look for the things in our lives on a daily basis for which we are grateful. The research shows that those people who practice gratitude have a more balanced perspective on their lives and can be happier because of it.
These are good first steps during this season and will contibute to living a flourishing life. Transformation starts in this way, with small steps and with practicing a few new things in the moments of our days.
It sounds small but it's power can be large. Meanwhile, nourish yourself with whatever makes you feel a little bit better, whether it be a better thought to think or an activity you like. Nourish yourself and cherish yourself for you have much to offer. Find one small thing that brings you joy.
Until next time, Johanna
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
What about when you don't feel like you're flourishing?
As of this writing, it is nearing Christmas time. Many people that have challenges with families or have had difficult things happen to them at this time of year in the past experience even more suffering, especially when they 'should' be cheery. What do you do with all of this?
All this talk about living the optimal life, living the flourishing life and positive psychology interventions. But what about when things are tough, it drags you down, your resilience is weakened whether through your own lack of good self-care or external circumstances - what then?
Isn't this the time when all of this just seems like a bunch of hoey and is only for 'those people' who have it all together?
Well, yes and no. Let me explain.
I am a positive psychology coach. I help people see that they won't go blind from looking at the bright side of life. However, I have many days when I feel like this stuff has no relevance for me. Especially when I am flailing. I seem to lose all sense of connectedness to my optimism and bubbly spirit. I also feel like anything I do won't make any difference. Leftovers from 35 years of chronic depression. A hard place from which to create any forward motion. And a very distressing place to be.
Part of the solution lies in being with what is. Acknowledging that it is perfectly understandable given your circumstances, inner and outer resources (or rather lack thereof), and your basic personality traits, that you would feel this way is the first step. It is a step of compassion and understanding and respect for oneself. That might be as far as you get or not quite even that far. And that is okay. Just making some progress to there to here or part way will take the pressure off. How can you find a way to have compassion for you?
Another part of the solution, in my experience tends to be one small step in ANY forward, healthy direction. Never mind the rest. So, maybe seeing some small things in front of you that are good.
For example, today, I was driving over the Malahat into Victoria, BC in the pouring rain, feeling anxious about going to the city where I am flooded with memories and mixed feelings about the recent end of my two-year relationship with a man that I wanted to be with. I said some healing prayers, somehow found a way to re-focus and looked at my surroundings. It was pouring rain. I was driving my lovely car, listening to lovely music and driving through lovely scenery. So many people don't have those lovely things to appreciate. It is beautiful here and the beauty even shows through in the rain. Somehow, I became grateful for these things in the moment and even liked myself for being the kind of person that could appreciate those things. The gratitude shifted me. It doesn't always work, but it worked this time.
Sometimes, it takes something else to work. But work, it will. Sometimes you just have to wait out a miserable day and the next day is inevitably better. Sometimes you just have to ask in the morning, "what magic will come to me today?" and then watch as your day unfolds amidst all of it. Inevitably, there is something good that happens. This has been my biggest saving grace. What one little thing can you do today that will be helpful for you?
This is the way back to a sense of normalcy and, that is part of what it is to live a flourishing life, even when life feels like it is against you.
Shall my next post be a list of the different small ways to pull you out of the doldrums?
Warmly, Johanna
All this talk about living the optimal life, living the flourishing life and positive psychology interventions. But what about when things are tough, it drags you down, your resilience is weakened whether through your own lack of good self-care or external circumstances - what then?
Isn't this the time when all of this just seems like a bunch of hoey and is only for 'those people' who have it all together?
Well, yes and no. Let me explain.
I am a positive psychology coach. I help people see that they won't go blind from looking at the bright side of life. However, I have many days when I feel like this stuff has no relevance for me. Especially when I am flailing. I seem to lose all sense of connectedness to my optimism and bubbly spirit. I also feel like anything I do won't make any difference. Leftovers from 35 years of chronic depression. A hard place from which to create any forward motion. And a very distressing place to be.
Part of the solution lies in being with what is. Acknowledging that it is perfectly understandable given your circumstances, inner and outer resources (or rather lack thereof), and your basic personality traits, that you would feel this way is the first step. It is a step of compassion and understanding and respect for oneself. That might be as far as you get or not quite even that far. And that is okay. Just making some progress to there to here or part way will take the pressure off. How can you find a way to have compassion for you?
Another part of the solution, in my experience tends to be one small step in ANY forward, healthy direction. Never mind the rest. So, maybe seeing some small things in front of you that are good.
For example, today, I was driving over the Malahat into Victoria, BC in the pouring rain, feeling anxious about going to the city where I am flooded with memories and mixed feelings about the recent end of my two-year relationship with a man that I wanted to be with. I said some healing prayers, somehow found a way to re-focus and looked at my surroundings. It was pouring rain. I was driving my lovely car, listening to lovely music and driving through lovely scenery. So many people don't have those lovely things to appreciate. It is beautiful here and the beauty even shows through in the rain. Somehow, I became grateful for these things in the moment and even liked myself for being the kind of person that could appreciate those things. The gratitude shifted me. It doesn't always work, but it worked this time.
Sometimes, it takes something else to work. But work, it will. Sometimes you just have to wait out a miserable day and the next day is inevitably better. Sometimes you just have to ask in the morning, "what magic will come to me today?" and then watch as your day unfolds amidst all of it. Inevitably, there is something good that happens. This has been my biggest saving grace. What one little thing can you do today that will be helpful for you?
This is the way back to a sense of normalcy and, that is part of what it is to live a flourishing life, even when life feels like it is against you.
Shall my next post be a list of the different small ways to pull you out of the doldrums?
Warmly, Johanna
Saturday, December 4, 2010
Will your internal environment enhance flourishing?
So, here we are. With all the thoughts inside of you that you think every day. And your feelings. And the sensations in your body. What do you do with all of that? Most of us accept it as a truth that we cannot change. But, what would happen if you listened to your internal chatter, recognized which thoughts make you feel worse, which thoughts make you feel better, and choose, as an experiment for 24 hours, to make a committment to yourself to only allow thoughts that make you feel better and to say "cancel" when you recognize a thought that makes you feel worse? How would you feel? How would it affect your physical health, your resiliency, your friendliness with other people, your feelings about yourself? What possible harm could there be in trying?
This is what I have discovered for myself, the results for my coaching clients, and from the research. Depending on the thoughts I think, I can be driven to a state of despair or a state of "life is good." When I decide to practice for 24 hours only thinking thoughts that make me feel good, I feel better, my energy is better, my motivation to get things done is increase, I am more productive and give my clients more of my best. I want to take better care of myself (good meals on time, exercise, water, vitamins and a good night's sleep).
The research shows that thinking thoughts that make us feel good boosts our immune systems, allow us to be less stressed and more relaxed, and we are more engaged with our activities and relationships.
When I have asked my clients to take on this exercise, they report back to me the same results as I have listed above. They are in a better mood and conversely are open to taking on opportunities for them to enjoy more of what life has to offer.
The challenge lies in the thoughts that try to disable our mission during those 24 hours. "It's not realistic. Your a dreamer. This won't last." Just let all those challenging thoughts go by. If you actually practice this from time to time each week, it starts to become part of the way you do your days and your life changes. Your life feels better, you feel better and your experience a higher quality of life.
Your inner environment. Part of something to pay attention to in living a flourishing life.
Until next time, Johanna
This is what I have discovered for myself, the results for my coaching clients, and from the research. Depending on the thoughts I think, I can be driven to a state of despair or a state of "life is good." When I decide to practice for 24 hours only thinking thoughts that make me feel good, I feel better, my energy is better, my motivation to get things done is increase, I am more productive and give my clients more of my best. I want to take better care of myself (good meals on time, exercise, water, vitamins and a good night's sleep).
The research shows that thinking thoughts that make us feel good boosts our immune systems, allow us to be less stressed and more relaxed, and we are more engaged with our activities and relationships.
When I have asked my clients to take on this exercise, they report back to me the same results as I have listed above. They are in a better mood and conversely are open to taking on opportunities for them to enjoy more of what life has to offer.
The challenge lies in the thoughts that try to disable our mission during those 24 hours. "It's not realistic. Your a dreamer. This won't last." Just let all those challenging thoughts go by. If you actually practice this from time to time each week, it starts to become part of the way you do your days and your life changes. Your life feels better, you feel better and your experience a higher quality of life.
Your inner environment. Part of something to pay attention to in living a flourishing life.
Until next time, Johanna
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